The Big Bang Theory: Stuart Bloom’s 10 Funniest Quotes

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9. Season 9, Episode 4

Stuart: “Do you guys know any musicians?”
Howard: “Why?”
Stuart: “I was thinking it might be cool to have live music here a few nights a week. You know, give this place more of a ‘staying in business’ vibe.
Howard: “What kind of music are you thinking of?”
Stuart: “I like all kinds of music, but my favorite genre is free.”
Raj: (Talking about “filk” music). “It’s been around for years. It’s like folk music, but with a sci/fi fantasy theme.”
Stuart: “I like it. Sounds exactly like something I shouldn’t be expected to pay for.”

Source: CBS

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8. Season 7, Episode 24

Howard: “Hang on, I know a place where you could stay and earn some money at the same time.”
Stuart: “Great!”
Howard: “I just have to warn you: it will involve humiliation, degradation and verbal abuse.”
Stuart: “So, what’s the catch?”

Source: CBS

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7. Season 6, Episode 11

Stuart: “I gotta tell ya. This is the most holiday fun I’ve had since my therapist changed my anxiety medication and I stopped caring about the blood in my stool.”
Howard: “Good story.”

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6. Season 7, Episode 11

Amy: (Talking about It’s A Wonderful Life.) “It’s great. It’s Christmas time, and Jimmy Stewart’s really depressed and he’s gonna jump off a bridge and kill himself.”
Stuart: “Don’t need to see it, living it!”

Sonja Flemming / ©CBS / courtesy Everett Collection

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5. Season 9, Episode 4

Howard: “It was for this power trio I tried to put together in junior high, but I was short two friends.”
Raj: “What is it?”
Howard: “Footprints on the Moon.”
Raj: “I just got chills.”
Howard: “So did I.”
Stuart: “Me too. But I might have Lyme Disease.”

Source: CBS

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4. Season 6, Episode 1

Raj: “Hey Stuart. You want to hang out tomorrow night? Maybe grab a bite to eat or catch a late night movie?
Stuart: “Yeah, I’d like to, but I’m a little tight on funds.”
Raj: “No problem, my treat. I’ll swing by after work.”
Stuart: (After Raj leaves) “I could do worse.”

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3. Season 7, Episode 24

Stuart: (After he moves a box, a piece of ceiling falls down right where he was.) “That could have killed me… Can’t catch a break.”

Source: CBS

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2. Season 6, Episode 13

Penny: “Hey Stuart.”
Stuart: “What brings you guys in here?”
Bernadette: “We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.”
Stuart: “Oh, well, I recommend you don’t open a store and sell them.”
Penny: “No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought we’d give it a try.”
Stuart: “Oh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga? (To the male customers) I swear I will turn a hose on you.”

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1. Season 9, Episode 5

Penny: “Okay, don’t be offended, but what went wrong with you?”
Stuart: “I guess I assumed at this point in my life, I would be married or in a relationship, or even have a pet that didn’t run away or kill itself.”
Bernadette: “That really happened?”
Stuart: “I mean, I can’t say for sure, but I swear that rabbit looked me right in the eye before it hopped in front of that car.”

Source: CBS